Day Nine: Can You Cultivate Sex Appeal?

This is a question I like to debate with friends both male and female. Is sex appeal - whatever makes you attractive to those you are seeking to be with - something that is innate, or something that is reflected in your attitude about yourself and those around you? I go with the latter. Here is an excellent example of why I know I wasn't born with that kind of allure. Whenever my parents had friends over for dinner, Brother and I came around to say hello and "make our manners" (God, it sounds like we grew up in a Tennessee Williams play).
SO MANY TIMES the exchanges went like this:
"Oooh look at him! That skin! That smile! He is so handsome!"
"And her! She is so....tall."

Every time I tell that story I laugh, because while it's true, it never hurt my feelings or anything. Brother IS super handsome. The lady-folk love him. And I am tall. People frequently ask me to get stuff off high shelves for them. Not coming off the starting blocks as a mega-hottie, as I grew up, I reinforced positive thoughts about myself and cultivated my own brand of sex appeal.
Smart is sexy.
Strong is sexy.
Funny is sexy.
Sincerity is sexy.
Young women, if there's a snowball's chance in hell you're reading this, I encourage you to spend some time falling in love with yourself, both physically and emotionally. Once you love you, the rest of the world will inevitably catch up.

I've already spoken about some of my real-life, legitimate role models...my mother, teachers, and some very sage friends. While these are the women I obviously look to for reality checks, it's impossible not to look at women in media and sigh "I wish I could be like them."

This is what women do from childhood on. Some call it the "girl crush" but I think of it as piecing - taking qualities both physical and innate that I admire in famous women I don't know, and trying to apply them to myself, most often for the better. I don't think it's realistic to paste my head over Katy Perry's body and be like "Beach Bod Summer 2013" because all that does is make me feel less awesome because I don't have a carefully cultivated, trained, and professionally-made up exterior. Don't get me wrong. I think there's actually a lot to admire about Katy besides her enviable figure! I admire her confident, playful sexuality, and want to crib a bit of that attitude for my everyday life. And if she'd let me know where to get that bra that shoots fireworks, I'd be ever so grateful.

That being said, here are some of my favorite famous ladies, the reasons I love them, and what I get out of this one-sided affair.

Marion Cotillard

Academy-Award winning French actress Marion Cotillard embodies, in my mind, the best qualities of European women. She is obviously gorgeous, but in a mysterious way that leaves a great deal to the imagination. I never really understood the whole "French Women just have IT" but with her I totally do. She presents herself as an interesting, educated, classy woman, who might also have a secret wild side. You'd have to really work to win her over. I love that.

Michelle Obama

I'm sure it's wildly inappropriate to scream with excitment at the mere mention of the First Lady, but more often than not, I do. I LOVE YOU MRS. O! I could write many blogs explaining why I think she's the greatest ever, but here's the rundown: she's smart as hell, she stands both up to and beside her husband, she loves her children, she throws herself fully into worthy causes like health and education, and she happens to be beautiful. I want to be like her so much. She approaches her job with the perfect mix of dignity and humor. She never steals the spotlight, but manages to radiate one all her own. And she totally went in for the hug with the Queen of England.

Katniss Everdeen

Won The Hunger Games. Saved Panem. Scored hottie Peeta.

The end.

Gwen Stefani

Gwen has been a longtime hero of mine and millions of other women purely for her fashion sense. How can one woman look so at ease in both skater-ska punk ass clothes, as well as Dior gowns? It takes a really special personality to walk the line, and Gwen has it in spades. She's always true to herself and her vision of self-expression is genuine. Also, uh, she's a boss. In interviews, when asked about her insane body, she's honest about how hard she works to maintain her figure. It's not like "Oh I magically dropped 80 pounds breastfeeding" she's like "I hit the gym HARD and I work for it." That honesty is key. Because she's a mother of two, who judging by photos, loves spending time with her kids. She's 42 for God's sake and she looks like THAT. 

Rashida Jones

I adore Rashida Jones. She inspires me. Though she was born into a famous family, chock with good looks and talent to spare, she consistantly carves her own path through the world, be it actress, singer, writer-producer, or comic-book creator. She is the ultimate in smart (Harvard!) meets beautiful (that face!) meets hilarious and real. She cultivates projects that matter to her, and turns even the smallest part into something memorable. In interviews, she comes across as funny, lovely, humble and grateful for all the opportunities life has afforded her.

Comparing yourself to other women - I wish I had her face/breasts/boyfriend/life - will only get you down and close your eyes to the great things YOU'VE got going on. Instead of pining for someone you admire's life, I suggest integrating the feelings that they inspire within you into your own life. And if it feels unnatural, then fake it til you make it kid. I'm no Marion, Michelle, Katniss, Gwen or Rashida, but I like to try and carry myself as if I am. With enough time maybe I can make their grace, elegance, strength and spirit part of my own.