I'm guessing if you're a woman of my age, a well-meaning friend, clueless man, or elderly aunt has emailed it to you, citing all the truth and wisdom it has to share. The list is....interesting....and has been published (and re-printed) by Glamour magazine and other media outlets since 1997. That list didn't matter much to me when I was a high school freshman, nor does it now.
I find the list quite irritating. Perhaps I don't like silly pop-culture, sound-bite nonsense to dictate how I should be living my life, what I should have and know at this point. How dare you tell me how to live, especially when you're saying nothing of substance at all. Life is more than a cheesy T-shirt slogan, it can't be boiled down to some bullet points. Examples from the list are:
By 30, you should have ...
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
While this advice isn't bad by any means, I find it sexist and patronizing. This list doesn't account for so many things that face women this age. Maybe we live in a city where we don't have space for grandma's heirloom furniture. Why are we putting power tools in the same list as the black lace bra? Because to this list, sex IS power. Would the list for a man (why ISN'T there a list for a man?) say something about "have a nice shirt in case the woman of your dreams shows up?" Not bloody likely. Would the man's list tell him to own a set of watercolor paints and some nice boxer-briefs? It just irritates the ever-living fuck out of me. The same thought keeps running through my head:
How could you measure the massive, sloppy, dangerous and lively scope of my first 30 years by your bumper-sticker grades of happiness?
So in the spirit of jest, (I honestly don't think you should do most of the stupid shit I've done) I present to you my list of things that have stood out as important activities en route to 30:
- Vote every time you have a chance.
- Quit your job on the spot
- Outrun the police
- Drink too much at a wedding
- Get down with your man while watching Ken Burns’s landmark documentary “The Civil War”
- Blow a tire / run out of gas
- Throw up in public or inside a friend’s car
- Accidentally set something on fire
- Get injured in a sex-related accident
- Don’t forgive someone
- Cheat on a test
- Sign someone you hate up for lots of stupid catalogues and mailing lists
- Write an angry letter to the editor of a magazine
- Break a bone doing something irrational
- Accidentally ash yourself with a cigarette
- Overdraw your bank account
- Wear an item of clothing to an event and then return it
- Take a trip by yourself
- Dye your hair an unnatural color
- Get a black eye
- Be a more adventurous eater
- Spill sangria on a stranger and run away
- Stalk a celebrity
- Get trashed before noon with your Mom or Dad
- Jump in the pool with all your clothes on
- Take something from the Lost and Found
- Love someone so much it scares you
- Cut useless people out of your life without guilt
- Watch an entire TV series in one day
- Disneyland
