What Happened Yesterday

Surprisingly enough, yesterday's disaster of a day had absolutely NOTHING to do with Valentine's day. Which is such a bummer, because it was obvious to anyone who looked me in the eye that I'd been sobbing, and I'm sure coworkers thought I just gotten broken up with or something - just another sad girl in a red dress - when in reality I finally got sick of everything and lost it. LOST. IT. I still feel pretty desolate. It's hard to keep calm and carry on when you'd rather gas yourself and be done with it. I have well meaning friends and family who are making Herculean efforts to make things seem like they'll be all right, but it sure as fuck doesn't feel like there's any light at the end of the tunnel, anytime soon. *sad trombone noise*

 (Yesterday felt like this. On repeat.)

I backed out of the Brooklyn apartment, after some additional research (bedbugs! neighborhood drug problems!) and a last-minute visit (filthy! not secure! gross old men and crazy weed smell!) caused me to absolutely lose it and decide to walk away. I was really scared that I was either going to be stuck living in a less-than-great place (which I initially agreed to because it didn't seem terrible and it was cheap) or lose $1000 that I cannot simply throw away. Thankfully, the landlord was a good guy, to whom I spoke honestly about my concerns, and gave me my deposit back. Big thumbs up for not losing the money. Big thumbs down for being back at square one with just under two weeks to go until I'm kicked out. I HATE apartment hunting. It is the absolute worst. Maybe it would be awesome if I had lots of money (I'm pretty sure everything would be more awesome if I had lots of money, because I stand by the statement that money can in fact buy happiness) but I don't.

(My life in Gif form: Oh you dancin'? You think you'll be OK? Fuck you. TRUCK.)

(And I'm just like "Enough, already. Please. I need you to stop.")

Stay tuned for further adventures/disasters/my name in police blotters.....