I had a crazy experience this week. To put it succinctly (because after this I'm done talking about it), a guy who was interested in dating me went from zero to seriously disrespectful and I told him that I was no longer interested in speaking to him ever again. Subsequently, he responded that I needed to "grow the fuck up."
Charming, right? I sure can pick 'em. But the thing is, I knew from the very moment I let him know that I didn't want to keep communicating that he was going to say some rude things (on top of the wildly out-of-line stuff he'd already said). And, like pretty much anyone, I loathe being on the receiving end of hateful words.
When facing the challenge of how to deal with this fool, I went to my superheroine team of lady Avengers, and like true friends, they assembled. I ran the situation by them and 10 out of 10 ladies (both married and single) agreed that this dude was a total nutter and I needed to shut down that nonsense. When I told them I was afraid of the blowback, one put it perfectly when she said:
You feel horrible because you took a position that might upset another person, despite how awful that fucking person is for putting you in that place anyway. And you don't like upsetting people. Because you're a nice person.
So fuck that guy.
And she's 100% right. The thought that my actions could potentially upset another person, even someone I don't know at all, has always upset me, ever since I was little. Am I too nice? No way. But I have been at times, a ridiculous people-pleaser, and in the past my need to accommodate the feelings of others has overtaken my need to feel safe, and happy and comfortable. Part of turning 30 means that shit don't fly anymore, and I need to remember to look out for me too. This guy turned out to be a nasty, pushy creep. I feel duped. I deeply regret giving him my number, but what's happened happened and I just need to move past it. But I'm really proud of myself. Old me would have offered up some half-assed excuse-lie (I'm moving to China! 你好!), or just tried to apologetically fade away. But I'm not going to be bullied and harassed by ANYBODY, much less some fucking pathetic loser. Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and with others, because otherwise you're going to get pushed around by people who don't deserve your time of day.
Some people hope they get the wishbone with their turkey.
This year, I'm glad to get my own backbone.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
I'm not posting on Friday because I've been in a shitty mood all week - between this guy, general holiday malaise and the fact that my deadbeat landlord is taking his sweet fucking time fixing the clanging pipes in my room that wake me between 5:45-6:30am EVERY GODDAMN DAY.
But stay tuned for next time, when I talk about how I laughed, wept, and squirmed uncomfortably through Silver Linings Playbook and what it's like to see large parts of your personality associated with mental illness.
