HAPPY 100TH POST!!!!

ONE HUNDRED POSTS!!

8,800 VIEWS!!!

RELEASE THE BALLOONS AND CONFETTI!! WE'RE ALL WINNERS HERE!!!!

Or my personal favorite, the lit-from-within Disneyland balloons (I like creative lighting!)

Next time, I'm buying a million of these.

Anyway, where was I? 100 posts, balloons.....oh yes. Dating. That's where I was going with this. I've come to the conclusion that if I don't take any risks with my heart (a tempting thought) there will be no rewards. I have been so shattered the past year over the loss of P, that even though I have attempted to put myself back together, it's never really been true. Suppose that is what happens when you get out of an emotionally abusive relationship. You still feel the happy memories and love that went with them, and remember all the good things...even though you can also very clearly remember when you felt scared, or miserable, or like you meant nothing to him. Since then, I've dated a few guys, and while none of them was right for me, a large part was the fact that my heart was simply not in it. And while I still feel incredibly fragile from time to time, I'm not throwing in the towel.

EXCITING THING!! (To me). Monday night, as I was leaving work, my work crush appeared out of nowhere and was at the elevator bank with me!!!!! We rode the elevator alone together.
On the outside, I looked like this:

But on the inside, I was really more like this:

He, being utterly charming and a gentleman, held the elevator door and let me step in first, after greeting me with a warm smile and a "Hey, how are you?" I won't go into the blow-by-blow of our conversation, but the thing is we actually HAD a nice little chat (there were smiles and laughs) on the way down and I didn't stammer or freak out or anything. It was two people, talking in the elevator.

 In mah freaking dreams. Drive references are always on point.

So yay that happened. It's so small and silly but it made me really happy. And he's still more than likely gay. Whatevs. This might sound like a jackass statement, but I'm pretty charming (it's a family trait) and can attract a dude at a bar (just not in real life) with relative ease. (Granted, as M will tell you from the other night, I kind of stumble on the cusp of "closing the deal" but eventually I get there). This doesn't mean I can have any guy I want (that's pretty much the opposite of the truth, as evidenced by work crush) but I'm not ringing the cathedral bells either, so I do OK. But....again, once a person turns 30, for the most part, we're looking past that. We want to find someone we genuinely care about, are attracted to, and enjoy spending time with.

The hardest part of the dating process to me is....talking about myself. (I'm sure that "thud" heard round the world was the sound of your heads hitting the keyboards because all I seemingly do here is natter on and on about myself.) But the person (anonymous in print) who talks about experiences online is not the same person who took extra time trying to look nice when we meet up at the bar. For example, if you're a friend (which most of you are) you know my story. But a new person...how do you catch them up on who you are, and what you've been living through, without coming off as somebody buried under their baggage? I obviously take things pretty slowly (which I hate because I love the whirlwind passion thing, but I know that doesn't really line things up to last), but when the natural questions start happening, do you lie, or do you just tell the truth and try to make it seem like not a big deal, even though it leveled your world?? I'm still figuring that one out. Until then, I'll just be lurking around the elevator banks....