I come to theorize on confidence, not merely to attempt to boost my own...
I am all over the goddamn place emotionally this morning. Some of it is (unscheduled) hormonal insanity, but the rest....I don't know. I did say the holidays would be kind of hard for me. I guess it's starting. Because you know the holidays start when Starbucks rolls out the Gingerbread latte. *However, Eggnog is missing. WHERE. IS. EGGNOG?!?!
I love that Red Cups have trained us into accepting the arrival of the holidays.
Whenever I'm feeling in doubt about my ability to keep it together (cough*allthetime*cough) I think about what it means to be a "confident" woman, and how they come to appear so. I specifically say "appear" because I don't believe that anyone can be confident all the time. We waver. We doubt. But in this case, I think strength comes from the ability to fake it til you make it. Maybe when it comes to confidence, a little self-delusion can go a long way. I'm not saying be horrible to others, or assume you can cheat death (because then I'll be nominating you for a Darwin) but perhaps think better of yourself than you might usually. My thought process was extradited upon reading this really inspiring interview with Gabourey Sidibe, most famous for her portrayal of Precious, in Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (BAD TITLE).
Now. Let me talk about Ms. Sidibe for a minute. I don't know much about her as a performer (I've only seen Tower Heist, and I'd had a few glasses) but she seems like a nice girl. A bright woman with a really good head on her shoulders, considering what a brutal emotional and physical mind-fuck Hollywood is. The weight question I see this way: she loves herself, which is great. Fuller-figured women could use a role model. Is she healthy? I'm not a doctor, but I don't believe so. And that troubles me. Because by no means should obese people be shunned or mocked, but at the same time, I'm not going to advocate that anyone should be that size. I know a personal trainer who is a short, full-figured black woman. Not "skinny" at all, but strong and fast and bodacious. This is the type of woman I aspire to. Feminine. Powerful. Healthy.
But today is not about weight. Today is about perception, and how much I admire Ms. Sidibe's attitude towards approaching confidence. I'm sure it's easier to be confident when you are a known, financially solvent movie star. Even so, she is unconventional in appearance from the "standard" of American beauty, and has had more than her fair share of public derision. As a girl who grew up heavy and was frequently on the receiving end of some nasty taunts, I understand. I do.
So how does one be confident when the odds seem stacked against you?
"...confidence is absolutely a decision. And not a one-time decision, either. It requires recommitment everyday. Being confident on Monday doesn't mean you're confident on Tuesday, and that doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you are a fighter, and you might even have the battle scars to prove it.
Curate your experiences, she insists.
"I am ambitious for the continuation of my happiness."
I love that last bit. I could definitely crib a page from her playbook.
Here's to a confident Friday and successful weekend.
