There Are No Answers....Only Zuul!

And if you get that reference, high-five for being as Ghostbusters-friendly as I am!

As promised, I'm here to talk about the overwhelming excitement I feel about the prospect of very soon finding and decorating our Christmas Tree! To me, the tree is the most wonderful part of the season, which inspires more joy and outbursts of "the emotionals" than pretty much anything else.

The tree is a labor of love. From finding the perfect one (maybe not the prettiest or most expensive, but one that smells great and will fit in your home) and struggling to string it with lights, and whatever goofy-ass ornaments you've collected over the years, the end result is always such a wonderful reflection of who you are at this moment of your life. Does that make any sense? For example, last year C and I bought our tree from some cute, stoner Canadians on the corner of 86th street. We lugged it home, shedding needles rapidly along the way, and dragged it up the four flights of stairs to our home. We found a spot by the window and proceeded to decorate. And by decorate our contributions were thus:
Me: Old Halloween lights. Crap leftover from store window displays. Random stuff from my room (ie small toys) collected treasures from various bars.
C: Proper Christmas lights. Real ornaments. Family treasures

We are such a good team.

I remember growing up, my mother always collected the most beautiful, classy ornaments. Like, crystal orbs, and historical wooden treasures. If left to her own devices, we'd probably have the most gorgeous tree in the world. But no. I (still, to this very day) cannot have a tree without the absurdly crappy ornaments of my youth....the ones I made from clay and glitter stuff....and the ones that came in my McDonald's Happy Meals.

YOU KNOW.
If you're my age, you know EXACTLY what Imma talkin' bout!! 80s ornament glory!!!

Miss Bianca still graces the tree every year, as does Bernard

As does Oliver (and Dodger) from Oliver & Company. It used to play music!

It's so stupid, but I freaking LOVE them. 
It's the little things.
Once the tree was lit and decorated (with things both classy and not) it became this literal glowing haven of happiness. I never wanted to leave the tree. It smelled good, it was shiny, and it had all my favorite things both on and under it! I wanted to sleep next to the tree. Or under it. I wanted to doze by it's soft lights. I know. I sound batshit crazy, but Christmas trees are my most favorite and a source of enormous comfort and joy. (And other such tidings...)

*******************************************************************************
Now that I've wrapped you up in warm fuzzies, I'm going to throw acid on you and set you on fire, because I simply must address the fact (and I promised to) how much I am utterly disgusted by the ongoing geyser of idiot fuckery that is Chris Brown and Rihanna. I know, they are only 23 and 24 years old respectively, but they're old enough to not behave like pathetic, attention-starved brats....who happen to be multi-millionaires. But they do.

Here's the thing. I think in all fairness they must be evaluated separately.

Rihanna makes dance music. Some of it is fun. NONE OF IT IS ORIGINAL. It's all bought and paid for -glossy, empty, soulless. She paints herself as hard, unique, and utterly original, when in fact she is none of these things. She's an exotic, sexy woman, no doubt. But she is an average singer at best, an insecure exhibitionist, and an absolute thug (threatening her ex's Asian girlfriend by putting hoop earrings and sunglasses on a package of rice cakes was the perfect blend of her own ignorance and offensive nature.) A GQ reporter recently witnessed Rihanna tell producer and collaborator The-Dream that she wanted him to write songs tailor-made for easy Internet consumption: "It's gotta be tweet, retweet, trending topic!" None of it contains any of the "real"ness that she beats media over the head with. It's glossier than her perfect lips. When you think about it, without the slick beats, the outrageous sexy costumes, or the auto-tune, Rihanna wouldn't be the sensation she is today. OF COURSE, most of the pop stars (Britney, Ke$ha, and the like) wouldn't be stars either.
Why bother? She's an entertainer, does whatever the hell she wants (even if it makes zero sense) and can support herself financially doing something she enjoys. Credit where credit is due. But respect? Nope.

Chris Brown. The facts are these. He infamously and brutally beat his girlfriend Rihanna in 2009. The photographs were not doctored. Since then, instead of actually trying to live like the "good person" he has claimed he is, he's thrown temper tantrums at talk shows, thrown chairs, trashed rooms, started fights in bars, and dressed like a terrorist for giggles. STERLING. A few days ago, he snapped (yet again) at a female comedian who was ragging on him, and managed to bring a newly disgusting and pathetic (CHRIS BROWN IS PATHETIC INCARNATE) angle to the already weird and gross universe of Twitter. CB's explosive temper, both physical and verbal, is going to get someone killed someday. Calling it now.
And before anyone insinuates this is even remotely about race let me make it clear that I hate all men who beat women. Charlie Sheen. Edward Furlong. Sean Connery. Bill Murray. Tito Ortiz. I don't care who you are, or if you were in that movie I loved. A violent hand and you're done. I don't care that Chris Brown is a black man. I care that he is an awful human being.
Did the female comedian "start it"? She spoke first, and it wasn't exactly a courteous exchange. But instead of engage with opposing views and learn from them; Brown lashes out and calls his critics "haters," because anyone who disagrees with him is obviously just jealous. If Chris Brown is going to start fights with everyone on the internet who is disgusted by him, he should probably invest in a real comfy chair and an ergonomic keyboard, because it's going to be a while.

The saddest part about this, to me? The legions of Brown supporters, dubbed Team Breezy, who are largely just....kids. Kids, largely young black women, who leap to his defense no matter the transgression, and have gone so far as to launch repugnant verbal assaults - up to and including death threats - at anyone who dare say a negative word about their clown prince of slime. Why, guys? Some girls have even said (via Twitter) "I'd let Chris Brown beat me" in all sincerity. It makes me want to buy them all a coke (solves problems) and remind them that they're worth something too, and don't have to idolize this thug just because he is rich and produces dance music. What is his redeeming value? I'd ask them. What do you see in him, personally, as a man, that you want to emulate or be around? And if they say only the material things - his swag, his style - then you have your answer. They don't like you Breezy. They're not actually on your team. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't give half a golden fuck if you were burning to death in the streets. They just wish that they too - stupid kids with big dreams and a glaring lack of attention from peers and family - could have it all without having any talent or class to speak of.

Taking Pages From The Silver Linings Playbook

Mondays are starting to feel more and more like Garfield cartoons, or Grumpy Cat gifs. Somebody tries to engage, and I just get all sorts of panicky and crazy-eyed and quickly try to bat them away with my paw hand.

Perhaps this is simply what it means to grow up.

God....I hope not.

I trust you all had a nice Thanksgiving. Mine was spent in the company of friends, enjoying bountiful delicious food and drink. I mean, the holiday itself has never been a big deal for me, but if it's an excuse to have dessert twice, and chase that with AK's famous pumpkin pie jello shots and an Irish coffee, then I'll be there with bells on.

 Thanksgiving means of course, the official launch of the Christmas season as well, which, combined with too many movies and too much time spent inside my own head, has meant a lot of moodiness. Let me start with the movie that I references last post, Silver Linings Playbook.

Silver Linings Playbook, or SLP as I'll abbreviate from here is NOT a romantic comedy. I think that much needs to be made clear. David O. Russell doesn't direct simple romantic comedies. In this case, SLP is an often funny, frequently uncomfortable to watch story of families dealing with mental illness in the form of depression, mania, and obsessive-compulsive....also there is Chris Tucker, football, some dancing, and people fall in love.
But I promise, it really isn't a romcom. Swears.

Sidenote: I just had the nicest conversation with THE SWEETEST man in our office. He's like a benevolent Uncle figure and has the best attitude on planet Earth and he just called me "a good egg." Awwww. Nice.

Ok. Back to SLP. So it's good. It really is. It's the best work I've seen from Bradley Cooper, and Robert DeNiro frequently made me feel like the walls were closing in...which is how we were supposed to react to him. It was NOT AT ALL fun to watch (there's a lot of poor decision making, followed by crying and screaming fights) but I admire the honesty of the storytelling for what it is. It doesn't pull punches when it comes to saying this family is really really screwed up, and they need to be medicated and in therapy. It's brutal. The joy of the film comes in the form of Jennifer Lawrence, who I find so likeable and spectacularly talented, I can hardly believe she's so young. Her performance is really outstanding, and I identified SO DEEPLY with her character - a woman who feels like she's gone off the rails with loss, who looks for answers in all the wrong places, and at the heart of things, is just trying to "read the signs" in order to find a happier life for herself and those she cares for. There were multiple scenes (I won't give anything away) that felt like I'd already lived myself, and reduced me to tears. What does it say to align myself so strongly with a character that everyone is calling "crazy" "lost" or "damaged?" I don't know. I honestly don't know. I dig that she's so flawed, she says all the wrong things and is blunt to a hilarious fault. But she's struggling - on and off medications (when they rattle off the depression meds at the dinner table, I was like "yep, yep yep.") wanting to feel like herself and not a grief zombie, but not really being able to get through the day without emotional cracks and serious self-doubt. But what makes her so great is that she knows she's troubled, but she's determined to make her life an enjoyable one. A tough see, but most certainly worthwhile.

Stay tuned for next time, when I discuss the hunt for the perfect Christmas tree, and how much I absolutely fucking hate both Chris Brown and Rihanna.

Sometimes, People Are Rude (And I Need To Deal With That)

It's only Wednesday and I'm already over this week, Thanksgiving, the holidays in general, and pretty much everyone and everything on Planet Earth. I put up this gif of Bane dancing because it is one of the few things that has brought me joy. Ha. Look at him go. He's so jolly. Like a big, menacing Santa.

I had a crazy experience this week. To put it succinctly (because after this I'm done talking about it), a guy who was interested in dating me went from zero to seriously disrespectful and I told him that I was no longer interested in speaking to him ever again. Subsequently, he responded that I needed to "grow the fuck up."

Charming, right? I sure can pick 'em. But the thing is, I knew from the very moment I let him know that I didn't want to keep communicating that he was going to say some rude things (on top of the wildly out-of-line stuff he'd already said). And, like pretty much anyone, I loathe being on the receiving end of hateful words.

When facing the challenge of how to deal with this fool, I went to my superheroine team of lady Avengers, and like true friends, they assembled. I ran the situation by them and 10 out of 10 ladies (both married and single) agreed that this dude was a total nutter and I needed to shut down that nonsense. When I told them I was afraid of the blowback, one put it perfectly when she said:
You feel horrible because you took a position that might upset another person, despite how awful that fucking person is for putting you in that place anyway.  And you don't like upsetting people.  Because you're a nice person.

So fuck that guy.

And she's 100% right. The thought that my actions could potentially upset another person, even someone I don't know at all, has always upset me, ever since I was little. Am I too nice? No way. But I have been at times, a ridiculous people-pleaser, and in the past my need to accommodate the feelings of others has overtaken my need to feel safe, and happy and comfortable. Part of turning 30 means that shit don't fly anymore, and I need to remember to look out for me too. This guy turned out to be a nasty, pushy creep. I feel duped. I deeply regret giving him my number, but what's happened happened and I just need to move past it. But I'm really proud of myself. Old me would have offered up some half-assed excuse-lie (I'm moving to China! 你好!), or just tried to apologetically fade away. But I'm not going to be bullied and harassed by ANYBODY, much less some fucking pathetic loser. Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and with others, because otherwise you're going to get pushed around by people who don't deserve your time of day.

Some people hope they get the wishbone with their turkey.
This year, I'm glad to get my own backbone.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

I'm not posting on Friday because I've been in a shitty mood all week - between this guy, general holiday malaise and the fact that my deadbeat landlord is taking his sweet fucking time fixing the clanging pipes in my room that wake me between 5:45-6:30am EVERY GODDAMN DAY.

But stay tuned for next time, when I talk about how I laughed, wept, and squirmed uncomfortably through Silver Linings Playbook and what it's like to see large parts of your personality associated with mental illness.

*Facepalm*

Remember last Wednesday? When I was all like "I'm not closing the door on love!"

Well, I'm recanting. Less than a week. Fuck that noise.

Talking with my fellow single ladies....well it looks a little something like this.

Just another Tuesday at my place...

Seriously, though. I know many fine women who keep actual lists of things that they want (or in some cases, don't want, which are colloquially referred to as "dealbreakers" in a partner.)

I don't think I'm asking too much when I demand:
1. Mutual respect
2. Intelligent discourse
3. Attraction
4. Laughter

But apparently I am!! Yesterday, I realized that somebody I had been interested in is not at all the person he was portraying himself as. And I was BUMMED OUT. The fact that I will have to tell this dude I don't want anything to do with him upsets me. It's weird. I have this bizarre notion of wanting to "do right by everybody" but more often than not I need to actually tell some people to go fuck themselves. I just hate the blowback. Does any of this make sense?

Come on life. I have very little going for me right now. Throw me a freakin' bone here.

Say It Now While You Can

With the oncoming rush of Thanksgiving and the official kickoff of the holidays upon us, many friends have taken to mediums like Facebook and Twitter to express what they are grateful for.
Even though I find the exercise more than a bit cheesy, I think it's important in a world where we take so much for granted to step back and acknowledge that we've got it better than about 95% of the rest of the planet.

This week was hard to watch unfold. Two different groups of friends unexpectedly experienced the loss of a person they care about. I didn't know either of the deceased men, but to watch my friends mourn and grieve these shocking losses so close to the holidays...hurts. There is nothing I can do other than to offer my condolences and be present. I am so deeply sorry for their losses. The death of people our age really stuns so deeply - how can somebody who only really got their lives started suddenly be gone? Those who are left behind have few answers.

In the wake of these passings, I think about gratitude, and the incredibly high caliber of friend I've been fortunate to have all my life. I have had friends die. And I can't imagine it will ever get any easier, even when we're well into our 80s. So here's my suggestion.

And do it now. Do it as often as you can. Because at some point, you won't be able to.

HAPPY 100TH POST!!!!

ONE HUNDRED POSTS!!

8,800 VIEWS!!!

RELEASE THE BALLOONS AND CONFETTI!! WE'RE ALL WINNERS HERE!!!!

Or my personal favorite, the lit-from-within Disneyland balloons (I like creative lighting!)

Next time, I'm buying a million of these.

Anyway, where was I? 100 posts, balloons.....oh yes. Dating. That's where I was going with this. I've come to the conclusion that if I don't take any risks with my heart (a tempting thought) there will be no rewards. I have been so shattered the past year over the loss of P, that even though I have attempted to put myself back together, it's never really been true. Suppose that is what happens when you get out of an emotionally abusive relationship. You still feel the happy memories and love that went with them, and remember all the good things...even though you can also very clearly remember when you felt scared, or miserable, or like you meant nothing to him. Since then, I've dated a few guys, and while none of them was right for me, a large part was the fact that my heart was simply not in it. And while I still feel incredibly fragile from time to time, I'm not throwing in the towel.

EXCITING THING!! (To me). Monday night, as I was leaving work, my work crush appeared out of nowhere and was at the elevator bank with me!!!!! We rode the elevator alone together.
On the outside, I looked like this:

But on the inside, I was really more like this:

He, being utterly charming and a gentleman, held the elevator door and let me step in first, after greeting me with a warm smile and a "Hey, how are you?" I won't go into the blow-by-blow of our conversation, but the thing is we actually HAD a nice little chat (there were smiles and laughs) on the way down and I didn't stammer or freak out or anything. It was two people, talking in the elevator.

 In mah freaking dreams. Drive references are always on point.

So yay that happened. It's so small and silly but it made me really happy. And he's still more than likely gay. Whatevs. This might sound like a jackass statement, but I'm pretty charming (it's a family trait) and can attract a dude at a bar (just not in real life) with relative ease. (Granted, as M will tell you from the other night, I kind of stumble on the cusp of "closing the deal" but eventually I get there). This doesn't mean I can have any guy I want (that's pretty much the opposite of the truth, as evidenced by work crush) but I'm not ringing the cathedral bells either, so I do OK. But....again, once a person turns 30, for the most part, we're looking past that. We want to find someone we genuinely care about, are attracted to, and enjoy spending time with.

The hardest part of the dating process to me is....talking about myself. (I'm sure that "thud" heard round the world was the sound of your heads hitting the keyboards because all I seemingly do here is natter on and on about myself.) But the person (anonymous in print) who talks about experiences online is not the same person who took extra time trying to look nice when we meet up at the bar. For example, if you're a friend (which most of you are) you know my story. But a new person...how do you catch them up on who you are, and what you've been living through, without coming off as somebody buried under their baggage? I obviously take things pretty slowly (which I hate because I love the whirlwind passion thing, but I know that doesn't really line things up to last), but when the natural questions start happening, do you lie, or do you just tell the truth and try to make it seem like not a big deal, even though it leveled your world?? I'm still figuring that one out. Until then, I'll just be lurking around the elevator banks....

There Comes A Time To Answer...And It's Now

Today's post comes with a companion piece, which if you AREN'T already an angry and depressed (yet brilliant and well informed!) person such as myself, you might want to avoid....

http://jezebel.com/5958993/racist-teens-forced-to-answer-for-tweets-about-the-nigger-president

That's right. The title alone explains it. Jezebel noticed an alarming post-election trend on Twitter, about young people, mostly high-schoolers, using vitriolic, racially-charged hate speech in regards to the Commander-In-Chief. It's OK if you don't agree with the President. Recent election indicates that a very large amount of the country does not agree with him! BUT that doesn't mean it's OK to call him (or anyone) racial epithets on Twitter. This isn't about politics. It's about being held accountable for your actions.

Now, the rest of this I'm going to divide into sections: Full Disclosure, Opinions and Rage.

Full Disclosure: I really enjoy the articles posted on Jezebel. They make me think and react, and that's a good thing. I like to feel alive (even if it's with bad feelings) when I read things. I'd love to contribute to their site someday.

Opinions: These kids most certainly must face up to the consequences of their actions. You cannot have both sides of the free speech coin. Yes, you can say whatever you want, but you also have to face the music when people respond to what you said. Those who made direct threats (and yes, some were stupid enough to do just that) should get a little visit from the Secret Service. And the schools SHOULD be informed, not only because they've got some serious work to do (half these assholes can't spell and it's tragicomic) in terms of education BUT all these kids used accounts with their real names on it, and frequently post about their high schools. Go Spartans! Subsequently, all these schools are tied to ignorant, racist remarks via a simple Google search. Nice one!

Rage: They most likely learned such baseless hate from their parents. I mean, they're not calling President Obama a (God I hate even typing this) "nigger" or a "monkey" because they don't appreciate his foreign policy, or his stance on the economy. They hate the color of his skin. It's 2012, guys. Minorities aren't going to be minor much longer. So I'd suggest shaping up your attitude real quick.

Full Disclosure: Though most of the Twitter accounts have been deleted, some are still up and continuing to post, (I checked) including this one particularly defiant girl, Demi's.

Opinion: She wears her hatred like a coat of stupid with a zip-out lining of too much self worth. This kid thinks she's God's gift to planet Earth. She's actually the most pathetic one of them all.

Rage: Karma's a bitch, bitch. You'll get yours. And I hope it's hell.

Full Disclosure: Many people are upset with Jezebel for the expository nature of this piece, and call it "internet bullying of kids."

Opinion: 1.) These kids would be tried as adults in a court of law. They are old enough to know better. 2.) If they are old enough to have access to a global forum such as Twitter, they are old enough to get the backlash and public shitshow that ensues when they say something blatantly offensive. Like that girl Kristen Neel who tweeted about "the Christian President of Australia" which is in truth, the agnostic, female Prime Minister. Details, details. WHY ARE SO MANY AMERICAN KIDS EPIC FAILURES? The ones who casually throw around such hateful speech should most certainly face disciplinary action in their schools and communities. 3.) Maybe these kids should realize that internet bullying (of anyone, but in this case the PRESIDENT, you idiots) comes with a price.

Rage: I hope this incident follows them forever, hanging over like a black cloud of shame. I hope it fucks up all their (slim, I mean, seriously look at the spelling) chances of attending college. I hope it means they'll struggle. It's time to learn, and hateful people often need to learn the hard way.
It's time to answer for hate and ignorance. It's time to take responsibility for our actions.

The freedom to say what you want comes with consequences. That's why it's a freedom. It ain't free.

Confidence

Friends. Strangers. Countrymen and Expats. Lend me your ears....
I come to theorize on confidence, not merely to attempt to boost my own...

I am all over the goddamn place emotionally this morning. Some of it is (unscheduled) hormonal insanity, but the rest....I don't know. I did say the holidays would be kind of hard for me. I guess it's starting. Because you know the holidays start when Starbucks rolls out the Gingerbread latte. *However, Eggnog is missing. WHERE. IS. EGGNOG?!?!

I love that Red Cups have trained us into accepting the arrival of the holidays.

Whenever I'm feeling in doubt about my ability to keep it together (cough*allthetime*cough) I think about what it means to be a "confident" woman, and how they come to appear so. I specifically say "appear" because I don't believe that anyone can be confident all the time. We waver. We doubt. But in this case, I think strength comes from the ability to fake it til you make it. Maybe when it comes to confidence, a little self-delusion can go a long way. I'm not saying be horrible to others, or assume you can cheat death (because then I'll be nominating you for a Darwin) but perhaps think better of yourself than you might usually. My thought process was extradited upon reading this really inspiring interview with Gabourey Sidibe, most famous for her portrayal of Precious, in Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (BAD TITLE).

 Now. Let me talk about Ms. Sidibe for a minute. I don't know much about her as a performer (I've only seen Tower Heist, and I'd had a few glasses) but she seems like a nice girl. A bright woman with a really good head on her shoulders, considering what a brutal emotional and physical mind-fuck Hollywood is. The weight question I see this way: she loves herself, which is great. Fuller-figured women could use a role model. Is she healthy? I'm not a doctor, but I don't believe so. And that troubles me. Because by no means should obese people be shunned or mocked, but at the same time, I'm not going to advocate that anyone should be that size. I know a personal trainer who is a short, full-figured black woman. Not "skinny" at all, but strong and fast and bodacious. This is the type of woman I aspire to. Feminine. Powerful. Healthy.

But today is not about weight. Today is about perception, and how much I admire Ms. Sidibe's attitude towards approaching confidence. I'm sure it's easier to be confident when you are a known, financially solvent movie star. Even so, she is unconventional in appearance from the "standard" of American beauty, and has had more than her fair share of public derision. As a girl who grew up heavy and was frequently on the receiving end of some nasty taunts, I understand. I do.

So how does one be confident when the odds seem stacked against you?

"...confidence is absolutely a decision. And not a one-time decision, either. It requires recommitment everyday. Being confident on Monday doesn't mean you're confident on Tuesday, and that doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you are a fighter, and you might even have the battle scars to prove it.

Curate your experiences, she insists.

"I am ambitious for the continuation of my happiness." 

I love that last bit. I could definitely crib a page from her playbook. 

Here's to a confident Friday and successful weekend.

Putting the "Twit" Back in Twitter....

Slowly reading the instruction booklet on "Social Media Empire for Dummies...."

Follow me?

@SaintJamestown

That's President Sassypants To You....

....said Barack Obama, all the time, everywhere.

SO DAMN SASSY!!!

As I'm sure you could tell from my previous post, I am enormously pleased with the outcome of this election. But I think it's also important not to gloat and be an asshole. The country is radically divided, as evidenced by how insanely close many of the states were. What needs to happen now is a lot of WORK and some serious, epic, talking on all sides. Because even though we will never 100% agree on everything all the time, it's important to put the voters first. I hope the coming four years sees a great growth in jobs. I hope international conflicts are fewer in number and more peacefully resolved. I hope we see a big uptick in Americans confidence in themselves and the leaders they have elected to office. I hope more states take the step to legalize gay marriage. (Other states....if Maryland can do it, so can you. I can say this as someone born in Maryland. Get with it.) I hope more smart, strong women enter the political arena. I hope. Because I've still got hope.

Last night, I was thinking about who the next generation of political leaders will be. I look at Julian Castro and Cory Booker and Kirsten Gillibrand and there is hope. I think there are people (like Barack Obama) who get into politics because they want to make a positive impact on their communities, and the nation as a whole. They start locally, as city council, or community organizers, and grow from there. A guy I went to high school with was elected to the City Council last night, and truly I am delighted for him. I think he will make a GREAT elected official, because I know how much he loves that city, and wants to give back. And although I peaced out of there a lifetime ago, I respect that.

Here's to Hope. Here's to those wanting to make a difference. Forward.

Election Reflection

Four years ago tomorrow, I sat huddled with three amazing friends as we stood in a packed London bar and watched the results of the election come in. Made even more punchy by the difference in time zones, it will always be a perfect and happy memory for me. When I think of us now, literally scattered across the globe (Los Angeles, New York, London and Sydney) I understand the bigger picture of how such a seemingly small amount of time can change your life. In my 30 years on this planet, I have seen the Reagan, Bush1, Clinton, Bush2 and Obama presidencies. But truly, the last four years have been the ones where I have seen the most, and done the largest amount of growing up. It is my experiences during this time that have cemented my decision to go to my local poll tomorrow and vote to keep President Obama in office. Because my last four years have informed me that (in my opinion) he is the best man to hold the job.

I have friends (not many, but still) who are Republicans and will be voting for Romney tomorrow. While that makes me sad, it is their choice, their vote, their contribution to democracy. Politics is a tricky thing in friendship - finding a way to care for and respect others while still disagreeing with some of their ways of thinking.

When I started writing this blog, the "goal" was to impart some of the "wisdom" and "experiences" (aka crazy shitshow stories) I have amassed over the last 30 years. Though I often deviate to bring you updates on my work crush (still so hot. still unsure if he's gay.) and other nonsense, today I revert to basics, breaking down the biggest lessons I have learned in the last four years, and why I'm not losing faith in the man I voted for in 2008.

The Economy - Many Americans are voting for Mitt Romney solely on the hope that he can get the Economy roaring back again. But I believe it is important to look at the fiscal reports that make it abundantly clear that the primary causes of the debt predate Barack Obama. According to The Washington Post, "The post-9/11 wars and security build-up, the Bush tax cuts, and the 2001 and 2008 recessions simply began before Obama became president. You can blame him for extending the Bush tax cuts till 2012, or for the stimulus (though the stimulus would never have happened without the 2008 financial crisis), but the structural of deterioration came in the Bush years."

Now. Romney supporters are wondering why Obama didn't fix everything wrong with the economy in four years. That is simply not possible. It's not. Especially not when Republican law-makers such as Mitch McConnell have been quoted in their goal to stymie progress in order to get nothing done and keep Obama in office for one term. They go out of their way to block job creation bills. Keep Americans suffering (and the economy down) long enough to put a Republican in office? How can ANYONE who claims to want to "serve the people and the greater good" do that?

Over the last four years I have worked multiple jobs to keep myself afloat. And oftentimes I have hated them, because (snobby but true) they've been beneath me in terms of intelligence. But you know what? I sucked it up and survived. I'm not a doctor, or a lawyer. I have degrees (by choice) in things that aren't exactly profitable, and I know that nothing is going to be simply handed to me. So in order to keep doing what I love (arts!) I will have to perform less glamorous jobs for survival. That's just how life is.

Interestingly enough, I worked for two years for a British company, and I loved it. I had hoped to build myself up high in their ranks, and move from the shop floor to the more creative PR division. It wasn't until the company was sold to an American Conglomerate (Retail Group of America!) that all of a sudden everyone who'd built the US stores from the ground up were let go or forced out. So let's not romanticize American jobs, because we're stabbing each other in the back here at home even more than overseas.

I was unemployed for about two months and it was terrifying. I cannot imagine being unsure of one's stability for a longer stretch of time, and my heart aches for those who despite being more than qualified, cannot find steady employment in any field. I was fortunate enough to have friends looking out for me, and have subsequently found a really really good job. But it wasn't all sheer dumb luck -I was scared but I was looking. You can't give up and throw in the towel. You've got to be pounding the pavement every day, looking on job websites and everything. It's hard work for everyone involved.

Love and Human Rights - This one is simple. Romney's own words speak for themselves.
"Some gays are actually having children born to them. It's not right on paper. It's not right in fact...It may affect the development of children and thereby future society as a whole.''

Damn those gays! Wanting basic human freedoms to love! Liberties to marry! The right to a happy life! Was America founded on the basis of freedom, liberty and rights?!? Nooo...Oh, wait a minute.

I don't think anyone with gay friends (Isn't that all of us?) has a leg to stand on when voting for Romney. It is a slap in the face. My taxes are more important than your basic human freedoms. (Bad News: Romney is going to raise taxes for everyone!). I fear that your children will be deeply ashamed of you, when they look back at this point in time. Because to them, it's going to be the same as the civil rights movement was to us. "Black people couldn't use the same bathroom? What the fuck was wrong with you people?"

I want to go to at least 10 gay weddings in the next four years.
And that's not just an excuse to buy a bunch of new dresses, either.

Women's Bodies - Often times I think I don't want to bring a child into this world...between the temperature freakouts of planet Earth, the denial that homosexuals are human beings, and the thought that a Romney administration will absolutely work to overturn Roe v. Wade and put the kibosh on my right to decide what goes on in my uterus.

In the event Romney is elected, this blog might have to stop. Because I'm going to on-the-run as a feminist vigilante super heroine, dashing across the country trying to save women's clinics.

Truly, though. How fucking dare ANYBODY tell ANYBODY ELSE what they can and can't do with their bodies. If it's inside me, it's off limits to you. And vice versa!! I won't try and regulate your testicles if you do me the same courtesy. Period. End of story.

Senior Care - Last but most certainly not least, is care of Senior Citizens. Aging in America is certainly different now than it was even fifteen years ago, but even the healthiest senior should be aware of what is going on currently with Medicare. The number of seniors on Medicare is expected to be around 62 million by 2020. Subsequently, not a program to be fucked around with, eh? (I've said eh? twice now. Canada calls.) A study from the Kaiser Family Foundation shows that the Romney/Ryan plans to overhaul medicare will result in increased cost - 59% of seniors paying higher premiums in order to receive the same Medicare plans they currently use. Seniors in places with very expensive health care (Florida!) might have to pay much, much higher premiums to get the coverage they have today. Medicare would remain an option for seniors, but in order to choose this option, some seniors would have to pony up even more money.

The only reason my family isn't completely bankrupt is that my mother was savvy enough to make sure that my father was signed up for Medicare before he turned 65 (which almost didn't happen, because people with dementia aren't really bothered with checking their mail and signing up for shit) as well as TriCare for Life, which is a health program for Uniformed Service members and retirees, which my dad is. It is with the aid of these programs (as well as my parent's savings) that Mom pays for Dad's care. That's it. Without it, we'd be so fucked, to put it bluntly. I mean, we're still somewhat fucked just due to healthcare costs in general, but that's life. So, fellow young adults. Please don't just think about your needs. Think about your parents. Because this time is coming for all of us, if it hasn't already. YOU HAVE TO THINK AHEAD. Plans need to be laid out and they need to be clear. You can't just be like "I'll tell you later, issa secret!" like Romney and Ryan.

To conclude. I thought about throwing in one of those ridiculous Paul Ryan weight-lifting pictures (seriously? HIM?) then decided against it in hopes of keeping my points serious. Because this needs to be taken seriously. Everything can change in four years. It did for me. However you vote, you need to be thinking ahead and know that.

See you on the other side of the polls....

NaNoWriMotivateMe or, How I Learned to Cope with My Own Inadequacies and Ponder the Marathon

National Novel Writing Month....also known as NaNoWriMo. Where writers lock themselves away for the month of November (often simultaneously growing mustaches for Movember) and attempt to hack out a novel of at least 50,000 words. There are cool events like kick-off parties and "write ins" which not only foster a sense of community, but create encouragement and sparks inspiration for those who may be struggling.

Many friends have taken part in the event, and it has brought them great creative and personal satisfaction. I have not read their novels.

But for some reason...November is just not a great time of year for me...especially not one to be trying to finally make something out of the mountain of notes lurking in the yellow pad of my iPhone. I'd like to write a novel, but there is something about the pressure to hack it out in a month that is really unappealing to me. GRANTED I obviously need repeated and swift kicks in the ass to get anything done in regards to my writing (a sign of....depression? ADD? Failure?) I care about my stories. I think they're really exciting and interesting! I see so much potential for greatness.
I just....I can't write now (ha). But seriously, guys. I can't.

I've been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I thought it was writer's block, but I've got a notebook and a half full of notes and I keep working on scripts in like, 2 hour increments, but in the big picture this is simply not enough. I cannot focus. I've been opening up files (discreetly) at work, and scribbling in a notebook when I'm on the move but I feel again like it's going nowhere. And it's super depressing. Can you tell how much this upsets me?? Maybe I'm only going to be a hobby writer. Maybe the muse left town with no forwarding address. Either way I feel fucked over.

Speaking of fucked over, let's talk about the New York City Marathon, going forward as planned this Sunday despite the fact that, uh, the city got wrecked last weekend in the hurricane. I see valid points on both sides. The marathon (usually) evokes a massive, triumphant outpouring of good will, and I <3 NYC type stuff. People trained all year for this. Millions of dollars in charitable donations have been pledged to runners. I get it. A lot of stuff goes down the drains. And couldn't we all use an emotional pick-me-up? BUT AGAIN. City. Burroughs. Destruction. Death. Shortages. Chaos.
Do you ever make pro/con lists to help with big decisions, like taking a job or dumping a boyfriend? I do! They are so helpful, and lay facts out quite neatly. So here's my Marathon Pro/Con list.

Pros

• People have trained for this!
• Inspires triumphant stories and outpourings of goodwill and support (I have totally cried in years past watching runners pause to greet loved ones along the way. It. Is. Incredible.
• Millions of dollars pledged and raised for charity

Cons 

• New Jersey, Lower Manhattan, The Rockaways in Queens and most of Staten Island remain devastated, without power, with food and basic needs in desperately short supply. Food and gasoline are running out in many areas and being rationed. You currently cannot cross a bridge without three people in your car.
• Bodies are still being pulled from wreckages and flooded areas. Not OK. At all. Can we really afford to divert police attention from this for a run?  A RUN?!?
• Staten Island and New Jersey still need aid desperately. New York is not just Manhattan. That's an important thing to remember, especially in times of need. We are five Burroughs and a closely-knit Tri-State area. 

I think it's pretty clear that the Cons at this point greatly outweigh the Pros. But here is my solution friends, and I'm not saying I should run for mayor (because I'd never be as much of a BOSS as Newark Mayor Cory Booker, who invited people in need over to his house via Twitter and is pretty much my front-runner candidate for the next election. He even tweets back to constituents in need who are clearly just stoned -  "I'm outta hot pockets") but if I WERE the person in charge I would offer this as the simple solution:

Postpone.

Yes, New York. I think we can meet in the middle here. Will there be pain-in-the-ass bureaucratic red tape and scheduling hassles. Of course. But it can happen. Anyway, I think it could. Hell, wait 3 weeks and do some kind of huge charitable tie-in with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. That way we can devote the time to getting everyone out of danger and back on stable ground that is so desperately needed right now. Energy and resources need to be focused on the people who live here that need help. I don't think putting off the (largely) well-off populace that runs in these types of events will end the world. Wait 3 weeks. Get some more training in. And then the city could really come together as one in celebration and good will of having gotten our shit back together and honoring our great and resilient city.

Me for Mayor! Yay!
(No. I don't want to be Mayor. I'd be the meanest Mayor ever.)