Growing up is a lot of stupid shit.
(If I ever become famous, I'm sure saying something so broadly dumb will haunt me. But it's true.)
I find one of the most difficult things to come to terms with as I get older is the changes in the relationship you have with your parents. Now, obviously, mine came a lot sooner than planned, but in the cycle of life, we frequently must become the care-givers for our folks when they can't do it for themselves. The problem is, that as we take on these new responsibilities (and the hard, heavy emotions that come with them) our parents still think of us as their babies.
And trust me, if I could have stayed a sweet little girl for a much longer period of time, I would have. It sounds very appealing. Especially now.
But I can't so I didn't. It doesn't stop my mother from sometimes saying the exact same things to me as she did when I was 7, 10 or 16 years old. It comes purely from a place of love, protection and concern, which is always why I feel like such a dick when I snap at her. I never mean to.
I realized this has been in the forefront of my mind due to an old cleaning lady who works in my office building. She's 69 years old, got this crazy thick Boston accent, and is just inappropriate enough to make me hugely uncomfortable all the time. Every time I see her, she's got to tell me about some relative of hers whose birthday it would have been today, or how she misses her "granbabies" or something stupid her daughter did. Then she tells me she's too old for this job (I concur), coughs with her mouth open on my desk, makes a comment about all the celebrity "queers" - usually in earshot of one of my gay coworkers- and slinks away. Last time I saw her she loudly said one of the guys who works in the mailroom looks like a pineapple. I'm assuming this is simply because he has dreadlocks.
Here's the deal.
I'm sorry she has to be doing a thankless job at that age. I wish she didn't. That really sucks. I don't know anything about her life before, but she tells me that she used to live hard and make stupid decisions. Talks about ex-husbands and smoking and drinking all day and staying out all night. She tells me men are pigs and I look very pretty without makeup. I don't know what to believe!! She's very brusque and intense. Also, she leaves her mouth open when she's done talking, like when my cat leaves his tongue outside of his mouth after yawning. Close that thing up.
But the part that bothers me most....she calls me "baby" or "babygirl" or "pumpkin" whenever she sees me. I KNOW. It's so stupid. It's harmless. But I am 30 goddamn years old.I am a professional. I am not a baby. I am not a pumpkin. I am not a pumpkin baby. IT PISSES ME OFF.
FUCK YOU PUMPKIN BABY. YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
(Disclaimer: I am one of those women guilty of sometimes calling her boyfriend "babe" but I don't think that's in the same league. It's not infantalizing. It's not condescending. I don't think so anyway.)
I'm so cranky I should probably stop posting. I bought some hydrocortizone for the bites, but....damn it I feel so hideous and horrible. Also more people at my office are getting laid off. This is not my week. I kind of want to cry. BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M NOT A GODDAMN BABY.
