I CAN'T GO SEE THE HOBBIT, GUYS.
I've done my time in Middle Earth. It's over. Let's just go home now. I don't care anymore about rings or elves, dwarves, hobbits, Smeagol, Gandalf, or yo motha. It's like "fetch"....no matter how hard you try, this just isn't going to happen for me.
Even though I am weirdly obsessed with the Denny's/Hobbit tie-in promotion, I simply don't understand why we're back again for this story. But I always understand pancakes, bacon, potatoes, and things that look like cheese is baked inside. This menu looks like every suburban stoner-nerd's dream. "Onion rings piled high as Mount Doom!"
I don't even like eggs (they make me sick) and this looks mad good!
Seriously, though. Having just had this discussion with the IT guy (so you know it's the real nerd deal) I simply came to the conclusion that three extended LOTR edition films later (which I happily own and account for roughly thirty viewing hours of my life) have gone to the films, and while they were good college fun, I simply cannot anymore. I'm tapped. Especially when they've gone and stretched The Hobbit, one average-length book, into three MORE films just to suck all the cash monies possible out of your wallet - at $19 or so here in NYC per fancy IMAX film. As much as I adore Martin Freeman and am THRILLED he's got this huge vehicle, I can't get excited for this.
Also I need to talk about the dwarves. Why are some dwarfish and some sexy?
That just doesn't seem right.
I'll leave you with these Hobbit-themed pickup lines I found on flavorwire.com....
- I must be the ring and you must be Bilbo, because you’ve got me wrapped around your finger.
- I’ll take you there and back again.
- Just wait until sunset — that’s when I’m going to open your secret door.
- Were you born from Smaug’s mouth? Because you came out hot.
- Girl, you’re glowing. Are there orcs nearby or are you just glad to see me?
Bwaaaaah. So stupid, but I'm chuckling nonetheless.
