Addendum to "Doubt"

Now there are MANY roaches in my home. Who am I kidding? I have no home. I have a place where my stuff is and I sleep. But God, the bugs. More than I care to even think about. I don't know what the hell happened, but it's happening and it's a big fucking problem. I called the super and had a panicked, rage-filled conversation with him that started as "I'll come by Saturday morning" to "I'll be there tomorrow." The only way to get things moving is to go ballistic and make people think you will burn the place to the ground. I am blinded with hatred and horror. Seriously, everything. Enough already. As someone with preexisting anxiety issues, I can confirm that this has sent me over the edge. 2013!! Another shitty year already off to a fucking miserable start. Break out the champers.

My apartment is due to be bug bombed this morning. Thanks for nothing, legally binding lease rider! I'm just a woman! Who cares what I add to a contract- must be all that estrogen making me stupid.

 

I even wrote the leasing agent a massive freak-out email at 4:30 this morning (when I turned on the light and found more dead roaches!) and he's like "It's ok, the landlord and I will make sure it's all taken care of" and I'm all "BITCH you said this would be taken care of before I moved in. LIAR LIAR I wish I could set all of you on fire."

I hate life. Truly. None of what I have experienced makes any of this nonstop misery worthwhile.

Also, let me change my timeline. My mistakes really revved up around 25. So it's really five solid years of working hard, being hopeful, trying to do the right thing, and still waking up wondering what the fuck happened.