All I want to do is this:
So what happened? To make two very long stories short:
1.) A huge round of layoffs at my work. With apparently more to come. Really good people lost their jobs, and as Office Bro said "Of course you're sad, J. You have a soul." Also that means EVERYONE is on edge and now I work much earlier hours to cover the guy who trained me. He was with the company for around 12 years. I obviously don't want to leave/lose my job right now, but I've got to say that sure as hell doesn't inspire much confidence in building a career here.
2.) I HAVE TO MOVE. Unexpectedly. Heart-breakingly. I'm still numb from the news. So the whole stress of finding a place (huge) coupled with the logistics of the actual move (rent a truck? plead with friends?) has me absolutely bricking it. I just....don't know when the hell I'm going to be able to find the time to deal with this, you know? When the phrase "What am I going to do?" plays through your head non-stop on a demonic, sing-songy loop, the idea of a blanket and a cage looks more and more appealing.
Several people have been like "Just leave New York" but honestly, it's so much more complicated than that. I get it. I do want to leave at some point in the next 1-2 years. I talk about it often, I know. I'll be ready to go soon enough. But for now, I need to be here. Today at least, I have a job that I verbally committed at least a year to. And I still see the potential to grow here. I'm scared as fuck, but I'm pretty damn smart. An income that keeps me afloat. I can get back to my parents in under an hour by plane if there's an emergency. I'm hoping to have a play up later this year. There's a lot of stuff I have committed to, and want to see through to the natural conclusion.
